Grief & Loss
Counselling to help you navigate loss, find meaning and move forward with support.

Is this grief? Or loss? Or mourning?

Yes, there are lots of terms that are often used interchangeably.

You might think of it this way: grief is your emotional response to what you’ve lost.
As a result, you’re passing through a process of mourning as you make sense of your experience and gradually adjust to the loss.

Should I be this upset?

Your sense of loss is unique to you. Things that carry profound meaning and connection for you may seem insignificant to others.

For this reason, it isn’t only death that we mourn. We can also grieve the end of a long-term relationship, the loss of a career, an illness that marks the beginning of declining health, the loss of security or safety, or even the loss of a cherished identity. The list goes on.

The most powerful grief is often reserved for those people, places or aspects of life to which we feel our deepest attachment. Importantly, that attachment is not necessarily determined by the recent strength of the relationship.

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Do I need help?

If you’re experiencing what is often referred to as uncomplicated grief (more on that shortly), there’s a good chance you will gradually work your way through the mourning process and adapt naturally to your loss.

With the support of family and friends, meaningful rituals, spiritual beliefs (if these are important to you), and your own natural coping processes, you may complete this journey without specialist help.

It can be helpful to remember that grief is a natural response. In fact, there is considerable evidence suggesting that many animals mourn in similar ways, indicating that grief may be both biological and emotional in nature.

It’s also worth reflecting on the influence of your cultural and social background. Often without realising it, these influences shape the way we experience and express grief.

For example, many Western cultures can approach death and mourning in a somewhat awkward and uncomfortable way. As a result, just as you may be struggling to manage your emotions, those around you may also be uncertain about how best to support you.

Of course, if you would like a counsellor to help guide you through this journey, that can be beneficial too.

What if I’m just not coping?

If your grief intensifies to the point where you feel overwhelmed, completely preoccupied with thoughts of the person who has died, experience ongoing depression, begin relying on alcohol or other drugs, or feel as though there is no movement towards adapting to the loss, then seeking professional support becomes very important.

This form of complicated grief often requires more specialised therapeutic support to understand what may be disrupting the mourning process and to help guide you towards recovery.

Sometimes there are factors that can derail or prolong grief, such as unresolved relationship conflict, exclusion from important social or family networks, difficulties expressing emotions, or pre-existing mental health challenges.

I’ve heard about the “stages” of mourning. What’s that about?

Over the years, a number of useful models have been developed to help us understand grief. Many of these are explained in terms of stages.

For example, the well-known “Five Stages of Grief” model* describes denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Interestingly, this work originally focused on the experiences of people facing their own death rather than those grieving the loss of someone else, although there are often clear parallels.

Rather than thinking in terms of stages, we find it more helpful to think in terms of tasks that need to be completed throughout the mourning journey – not necessarily in any particular order.

We especially like the analogy of a deep wound that gradually heals with proper care and attention.

Once healed, the skin is never quite the same as it was before. In fact, the healed tissue may be thicker and stronger than the surrounding skin.

Acknowledge and accept the reality of the loss
You may know intellectually that someone has died, yet emotionally you may not have fully grasped the reality of the loss.

Part of the mourning process involves gradually coming to terms with what has happened.
Process the emotional pain
Allow yourself to experience the waves of sadness, anger, distress, loneliness, guilt or exhaustion that often accompany grief.

These are natural responses to losing someone with whom you shared a meaningful connection.

Adjust to a world without the deceased
This task is often overlooked. Many people find themselves facing practical challenges and new responsibilities. You may need to make decisions independently, develop new relationships, assume unfamiliar roles, or rebuild confidence in areas of life previously shared with the person who has died.
Maintain a continuing connection
One of the most significant developments in grief theory has been the recognition that healthy grieving does not necessarily mean “letting go”. Instead, many people find comfort in maintaining an ongoing connection through treasured objects, meaningful rituals, cherished memories, shared values or stories.

It may feel difficult to imagine right now, but many people eventually discover that the relationship continues in a different form, even though the person is no longer physically present.

I’ve read that it’s important to find “meaning” in the loss?

The concept of meaning can sometimes be misunderstood and should be approached with care.

Losing someone important may challenge your assumptions about the world and leave you feeling disappointed, confused or even disillusioned.

This does not mean you are expected to make sense of what may have been a senseless tragedy or identify some hidden benefit.

We find the concept of meaning-making more helpful.

Meaning-making involves gradually weaving the experience into your life story in a way that is sustainable and authentic.

As you reflect on questions such as:

Why did this happen?
Why did this happen to me?
How has this changed my life?

…it can be helpful to think less about finding explanations and more about understanding how the experience might shape your sense of purpose, values and direction moving forward.

Grief & Loss

Is this grief? Or loss? Or mourning?

Should I be this upset?

Do I need help?

What if I’m just not coping?

I’ve heard about the “stages” of mourning. What’s that about?

Acknowledge and accept the reality of the loss

Process the emotional pain

Adjust to a world without the deceased

Maintain a continuing connection

I’ve read that it’s important to find “meaning” in the loss?

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